Doing The Hurt-Yourself-Shuffle

For some reason anything trying to be a spiky gauntlet (I blame you, Marvel Comics) is particularly egregious when it comes to Wreckiness.

I'd say "Cue John Willams Soundtrack" but I don't want to insult him.

I don't even know where these come from.  Except from some misbegotten Hell of overcompensation.

I love how the spikes are on the *inside* insuring self-injury.

They do look suspiciously as if they're designed by the same person.  I'm going to tell myself that in any case so that I don't have to consider that there's more than one person making these stupider-than-usual things.

And, as usual, Master Cutlery is always good for some pain:

I can't be the only person waiting for the fucking Zombie craze to be done and over with, can I?

Pile Of Broken Dumbassery

Only making this a separate entry because I don't know who the manufacturer is.  Though it does have the Master Cutlery "Throw Everything At A Wall And See What Sticks" approach to design.  

Never Change, Master Cutlery.

You ALWAYS deliver the most exquisite wrecks.
Demon Axe Penis Anyone?

Should this be considered NSFW? o.o

More from the "I don't know where the fuck to put my hand without maiming myself" collection:

Demon Penis AND Dragon tongue. Maybe this really SHOULD be considered NSFW.

I begin to wonder if these designers secretly hate their customers and deliberately make ugly balls of kitchen knives hoping that people will mangle themselves.  It at least makes *slightly* more sense than considering any of this remotely attractive.

WE HAVE DIVIDED BY HIDEOUS AGAIN

I just kind of imagine it whispering "...KILL ME...." desperately.  I don't even understand where you could possibly hold this from without razoring your hands into bologna.

, 

MORE SCREENPRINTING SO WE CAN ALL BE SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE OF UGLY. 

File Under "Painful To Look At And Doused In Motor Oil" O.o

It always seems as if Ebay deliberately competes for the title of "largest amount of hideous chintzy crap listed". 

"I wanted to be a tanto when I grew up"

BLEAH. 

Can Someone Tell Me....

....Why this even exists?

Stay Classy Bud K. 

What is the thing with screen-printing ugly fantasy art onto ugly fantasy weapons?  It's like attempting to divide by zero, only with Hideous.  -.-

WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K O.O

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

This travesty of existence brought to you by that bastion of tasteful decor, The Bradford Exchange. O.O

This was the best picture that I could find of it.

Probably for the best for Planet Earth. O.O

(That's supposed to be some kind of axe, btw. No really.)

Silly pseudo knife thingies with too many blades By Skallagrim!

This articulate gentleman says everything I've had to say about these kinds of "weapons designs" for years, possibly better than I ever could. XD That's it, shut down the internet. XD

Return To Dumbassery...

*Epic Facepalm*

http://www.11alive.com/story/news/weird/2014/05/27/golf-club-store-sword/9653855/

The perp in question should seppuku for using that hideous SLO piece of shit. Good on Grandma for clobbering his ass.

BWLAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Penis Handle???? O.O

BWLARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF.

From here

http://www.aceros-de-hispania.com/swords-knives/naginata-gladius.asp?product=tanto-catana-dragones