Doing The Hurt-Yourself-Shuffle

For some reason anything trying to be a spiky gauntlet (I blame you, Marvel Comics) is particularly egregious when it comes to Wreckiness.

I'd say "Cue John Willams Soundtrack" but I don't want to insult him.

I don't even know where these come from.  Except from some misbegotten Hell of overcompensation.

I love how the spikes are on the *inside* insuring self-injury.

They do look suspiciously as if they're designed by the same person.  I'm going to tell myself that in any case so that I don't have to consider that there's more than one person making these stupider-than-usual things.

And, as usual, Master Cutlery is always good for some pain:

I can't be the only person waiting for the fucking Zombie craze to be done and over with, can I?

Pile Of Broken Dumbassery

Only making this a separate entry because I don't know who the manufacturer is.  Though it does have the Master Cutlery "Throw Everything At A Wall And See What Sticks" approach to design.  

Never Change, Master Cutlery.

You ALWAYS deliver the most exquisite wrecks.
Demon Axe Penis Anyone?

Should this be considered NSFW? o.o

More from the "I don't know where the fuck to put my hand without maiming myself" collection:

Demon Penis AND Dragon tongue. Maybe this really SHOULD be considered NSFW.

I begin to wonder if these designers secretly hate their customers and deliberately make ugly balls of kitchen knives hoping that people will mangle themselves.  It at least makes *slightly* more sense than considering any of this remotely attractive.

WE HAVE DIVIDED BY HIDEOUS AGAIN

I just kind of imagine it whispering "...KILL ME...." desperately.  I don't even understand where you could possibly hold this from without razoring your hands into bologna.

, 

MORE SCREENPRINTING SO WE CAN ALL BE SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE OF UGLY. 

File Under "Painful To Look At And Doused In Motor Oil" O.o

It always seems as if Ebay deliberately competes for the title of "largest amount of hideous chintzy crap listed". 

"I wanted to be a tanto when I grew up"

BLEAH. 

Holy Crap O.O: Scholars confirm first discovery of Japanese sword from master bladesmith Masamune in 150 years

An important moment in the history of Nihonto, right now:

http://en.rocketnews24.com/2014/09/09/scholars-confirm-first-discovery-of-japanese-sword-from-master-bladesmith-masamune-in-150-years/

Can Someone Tell Me....

....Why this even exists?

Stay Classy Bud K. 

What is the thing with screen-printing ugly fantasy art onto ugly fantasy weapons?  It's like attempting to divide by zero, only with Hideous.  -.-

WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K O.O

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

This travesty of existence brought to you by that bastion of tasteful decor, The Bradford Exchange. O.O

This was the best picture that I could find of it.

Probably for the best for Planet Earth. O.O

(That's supposed to be some kind of axe, btw. No really.)

Silly pseudo knife thingies with too many blades By Skallagrim!

This articulate gentleman says everything I've had to say about these kinds of "weapons designs" for years, possibly better than I ever could. XD That's it, shut down the internet. XD

Return To Dumbassery...

*Epic Facepalm*

http://www.11alive.com/story/news/weird/2014/05/27/golf-club-store-sword/9653855/

The perp in question should seppuku for using that hideous SLO piece of shit. Good on Grandma for clobbering his ass.

Samurai sword-wielding homeowner kills armed robber in California

THAT'S how it's fucking done. :)

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/18/samurai-wielding-homeowner-kills-armed-robber-in-california/?utm_source=feedly&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+TheRawStory+(The+Raw+Story)

BWLAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Penis Handle???? O.O

BWLARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF.

From here

http://www.aceros-de-hispania.com/swords-knives/naginata-gladius.asp?product=tanto-catana-dragones

OK, Is It My Imagination Or....

...Or is CasHanwei running out of design ideas for their Katanas?

The Hanwei "Hunter".

I'm pretty sure this doesn't qualify as a "wreck" per se, but damn is it ill-designed and just.....bleh.  I don't know what's up with the pinstriped tsuka.  **peers**

I mean, there are so many design elements that they could work on, like blade sori.....the best I can say about this is functional, but lazy.  Sad.

Probably Isn't Real But Should Be.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............

OK so I thought that this was the ugliest and stupidest thing I have seen lately

Then I saw the GUNCLEAVER

Apparently how Squall Leonhart does his mincing in style? >.<

If it seems like I pick on Master Cutlery a lot, well, I do, but their fantasy blades are FUCKING HIDEOUS. 

Tasty Tidbits: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! XD XD

***AHEM** That is, Ummm, I cannot condone such a dangerous thing.  **straightens clothes and puts on stern expression***

**Falls over laughing*** XD 

The Continuing Haz Saga Via Sword Buyer's Guide.....

There's always at least one Malignant Narcissist/Fake Expert on the Intarwebz per specialized interest/hobby who makes a nuisance of themselves. Hazama Yakiba is apparently the Designated Idiot for the sword collector's hobby.

Thusly I would not buy an apple from this flakeazoid lest it contain razor blades.

Thanks to Sword Buyer's Guide's James Gall for his time in calling "Haz" out.

Tasty Tidbits: Wow, This Totally Doesn't Suck

Available for sale here:

http://www.trueswords.com/honorable-knights-battle-sword-chivalry-1060-high-carbon-p-5760.html

Purists might dislike the blade etch but I find it a nice take on a Euro that isn't boring as toast (which I find most Euros >.>). I wonder who the manufacturer is? 

Also nice and apparently from the same manufacturer is the following (if you ignore the ridiculous name):

http://www.trueswords.com/dark-knights-battle-sword-devastation-damascus-steel-p-5761.html

aaaaaaaAAAAAANNND **FACEPALM** >.<;;

Two injured in Gorbals street samurai sword fight

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-12443363

 Please stop fucking it up for the rest of us blah blah rant rave words wordwords . >.<;;

 I hate these people.

File Under: Things That Were BOUND To Happen Eventually.

Personally, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

Cold Steel deserves everything they potentially get from this as this is their target demographic. I'm just glad no one was killed. :/

Tosh.0
Tags: Tosh.0 Videos,Daniel Tosh,Web Redemption

EDIT: Cold Steel's response to the Tosh.0 segment. Which I find...lacking, IMNSHO.
In short, if they don't want people to try stupid reckless things with their products, perhaps they shouldn't build their customer base on demonstrating doing stupid reckless (and frequently questionable, considering the number of fast cuts) things with their products. Just sayin'.